soulae

Hoe or Housewife?

Let me first say that this was an email I receieved and I wanted to share it with you. It was written by a gentleman and it shares his very candid thoughts on the importance of sex in his (and what he presumes to be other mens) relationships.

 

As I get older, I feel the marriage pressure building. Getting sex is beginning to get harder. Not because its anything wrong with me, but because at this age (late twenties – mid thirties), women begin to start looking at you as “marriage potential.” So, whereas they would give it up on the first night, they now hold out in the hope that, you will see them as “a good girl,” worthy of wife’ing and marrying someday.

Every single man I know who is under 40 and married is cheating or has cheated on his wife. The rest of them are about to get divorced. This does not motivate me to walk down the aisle anytime in the near or distant future.

When I talk to them, it’s usually the same problem stated in various ways. They were bored or neglected sexually. With the rigors of marriage and life and kids—if they are involved—the woman tends to become consumed in other, non-sexual things. The man however is still looking to get some. I have noticed in my own relationships, that every time the woman gets mad, the first thing she does is stop having sex. It supposedly has something to do with some kind of emotional/physical connection that they have where they have to be in the right “emotional state” to want sex. Well, the only emotional state I have to be in to have sex is awake! 

Connect: Growing your network

Often times when we are on the look-out for a new job, someone to help us plan a wedding or even fix our computer we take to the web to locate people we don't know to help us get what we need. In this economy everyone is looking for a come-up, a side gig, a lil extra money on the side. Its best to make a list of the people you know and include on that list what it is they do and their contact information.

Why not hire someone you know to do the job you are looking for. I can rattle off in about 30 seconds someone I know that does graphic design, websites, event planning, weddings, insurance and so much more. If you refer people you know then they will more than likely refer you. This will help you and those around you to build a solid network and establish repeat clientele.

Your company have an opening, shop it around to your friends and acquaintances first. You never know who you may benefit. This lends true to thee old adage, "I'ts not what you know but WHO you know."

So let me know who you are and what you do. This way I can add you to my list and refer you when the time arises....

Shoes, the fifth and necessary element!

To me shoes are the fifth and necessary element. The shoes you wear say a lot about you. We all want to look our best and be notices (I know I do). It feels good when people admire my shoe game because I feel like I am doing something right. It is tough when times are tight to buy new shoes just for the heck of it. So there are certain rules that I follow to make sure that my feet always look there best and money stays in my pocket. 

Save a sole, Repair!

Instead of throwing out that worn down pair of heels, grab it and make an assessment of how bad the actually damage due to wear and tear is. Is it just the heel that may need to be replaced? Can those scuff marks be buffed out? Take your shoes to the local repair shop, for just a few bucks you can get new soles or get your scuffs buffed. 

Get your shine on!

Instead of buying that shiny new pair of shoes you see in the window, visit your local shoe shine guy and let him hook you up. Your shoes will look like new and you would have helped someone out during this rough economic time. 

If you must shop, do so wisely.

If you just have to have those shoes that you have been dying for shop around. You may not need to buy that expensive shoe when you can find the exact shoe or something really similar at a cheaper price. If you want that designer look for prices that fall within your budget check out stores like Aldo, Steve Madden, Bakers and Pay less. You will be able to find those designer looks for a whole lot less than what you would pay and you may even be able to get a couple pairs with that extra cash you will be saving. 

For a peak at what Aldo and Steve Madden have to offer check out this article in Essence magazine. 

Until next times Dyva's and Divo's!

nykki's blues

Guys, I am jones-en for these haute blue heels that I found. These are my must-haves at the moment in preparation for my arrival next month in the Big Apple (home). I am not normally fond of blue and do not have much of it in my closet but when I saw these shoes I knew they were worth me building an outfit around them. Somestimes I am just in the mood to make a statement and these would definately do just that. 

For the ladies that are avid blue lovers here are a few other blue pics that I have found just for you! This time it may be ok to let the blues get you!

For more true blue must-haves check out these sites:

www.torrid.com

www.piperlime.com

www.payless.com

www.bakersshoes.com

Until next time!

Yours Truely, 

The Essential Little Black Dress

My closet is about to be home to one of my best purchases yet. The Marilyn Convertible Dress is a dress for any occasion. I just happened to be browsing the plus sized net and found this dress that could be converted into numerous styles. Imagine having one dress that you can wear to every occasion and still have people saying "Wow". 

With just a little manipulation you can have 20 different dresses only taking up a little hanger space in your closet. Now my only decision is where to get it from, I can get it from this place for $89.99, or I can splurge on Monif C for $195. To me they look exactly the same so I may just take the first route for now, even though I advise you all to check out the other dresses in Monif C's collection, she has some hautness. 

You may be wondering why you even need to own a little black dress? Its simple, diversity. Owning a nice fitting, polished black dress can save you time, money, and closet space. Instead of always having to step out and shop for something new for each church event, business function or glamorous evening you plan to attend you can just spice up this one essential piece with little effort. 

Accessories are the key to making it work. The right shoes, handbag, scarf, broach or jewelry can change the appearance of even the simplest of things to something eye catching. You can use accessories to make your black dress the focal point of your outfit or you can choose accessories that demand all the attention for themselves. Any way you go, you can not go wrong with owning a black dress, even if it is just for the knowledge that black makes every ones curves look good. 

So on your next shopping adventure consider adding a black dress to your closet, you will not regret it. 

The Little Black Dress is Essential!

Pantene Nature Fusion: Moisture Balance

Nature Fusion Moisture Balance by Pantene is one of their newest products geared towards african american women. It intrigued me because it boats the ability to make your hair stronger and protect it from damage within 14 days. Just so you understand, I am a sista that conditions on a daily basis. My hair routine only calls for shampooing on a weekly basis or as needed. Recently, I have been looking for a gentle shampoo that I can use daily or every other day to help keep the pores in my scalp from getting clogged since I tend to use a lot of oils. 

In other posts I have shared that I am naturally nappy (and happy) and I suffer from extreme dryness. This means that any product I use needs to meet certain standards, the most important of which is extreme moisture retention. I hate to have that "I just washed my hair and it is soo freakin dry it sounds like a paper bag" feeling, similar to the one that I got with Aveeno. When I get that feeling I just pass off the product to someone else I know. I am a firm believer in not wasting anything; and who knows, what does not work for me may be just what the hair doctor ordered for the next person. 

Here are the ingredients that Pantene has highlighted in their new product. I took the time to do my own sort of research on them so I could share with you the benefits (if any):

• Cassia also referred to as Senna,  is an herb that can either be mixed as a powder or applied as an oil. It is most commonly used by women to add moisture and an additional coloring agent when using henna. It can be used as a conditioning agent on its own or when added to your usual mix.
• Calendula has many healing properties, it also has a fragrence and it commonly used in mens cologne. It can be used as an anti-inflametory agent or to stimulate blood flow. Ithas aslo helped with healing scars, burns and infections. When used frequently over time it can provide natural shine and anti thinning assistance. 
• Ginger is useful in controlling dandruff and can be used as a growth agent. Ginger is considered one of the most powerful herbs in Ayurveda. With its potent stimulating properties, ginger increasesthe blood circulation to the scalp which can result in faster-growing hair. 
• Aloe Vera as with the rest of the ingredients, is a hair strengthener. It can be used by itself and applied directly to the scalp to decrease breakage, stop dandruff and make the hair shiny. Aloe vera is also a key essential in any Ayurvedic regemine and helps to control hair loss. 

So if this is what you are looking for I would suggest that you un out and grab yourself both the shampoo and conditioner, give them a try and post your comments. We would love to know what you think. As for me, I passed this to my mom, the fragrance was too much for me! I will stick with my normal products for now. 

For more information you can check out a couple of these sites:

Black Hair Planet

http://www.ayurvediccure.com/

Black Hair Media

http://www.ayurbalance.com/beauty_haircare.htm

Next up: Mizani Coconut Souffle, Butter Rich and Gloss Veil. 

Laugh Out Loud - For a Healthy Lifestyle

When we hear, think, read or practice “healthy living”, we often think of eating right, getting enough exercise, and even making sure that we get the recommended hours of sleep, you know, doing all the physical stuff that’s suppose to make us healthy.  But, one thing that is not often talked about is healthy relationships, especially with family.                  

Healthy relationships with family are important, because these are the people that you see the most and have the most contact with throughout your life.  If you don’t have a good relationship with them, then more than likely other relationships will fail too.  This weekend I went to Stockbridge, GA to visit an Aunt who has just purchased a “beautiful” home in that area of Georgia (how she got to this point is a blessing in and of its self). 

It was wonderful to see family that I don’t get to see on a regular basis, talk about old times and just laugh and enjoy their company. We sat around and talked about the things we use to do when we were growing up and the fun we use to have when we all would get together.  I laughed all weekend long.  On our drive back home, I realized that I wasn’t stressed, I was in a good mood and not only me, but everyone who went along on the trip were in a place of peace and tranquility.

This peace and tranquility didn’t come from a bottle or other mood altering substances; it came from laughter and just being around family.  In no way am I implying that we don’t have our share of problems and situations, because Lord in Heaven knows we do, but at the end of a day, after every tear has been shed, the truth spoken and everything has been laid out, we know that we all love each other and would do anything in the world for each other.

I’m blessed to have a family that I can honestly say I love.  I’m thankful because I know people who can’t say this.  I’m blessed to have grown up in a family that has always been close.  When I say family I mean mother, father, sister, brother, aunts, uncles, cousin, etc.   Now you know there’s always one or two in the bunch that try to place a damper on the good times, but when you have enough love flowing, love stops the negativity from taking hold and taking over. 

No matter how much you eat right, exercise, how much rest and relaxation you get, if you don’t strive to have happy relationships, are you really healthy?  The mind and the heart go hand in hand; one can’t work without the other.  So take the time to Laugh Out Loud!

Who should wear leggings?

You should!  I am a great fan of leggings and I think that for some of us who feel the need for a little more coverage for that dress that maybe a little bit too short (depending on age) or that tunic that may need a little something under it, or if you are like me, you haven’t quite gotten around to shaving those legs, leggings are a the way to go.

However, I’ve seen leggings worn in a way that should be outlawed.  For no reason on earth should you ever, ever wear leggings with a shirt that hits you right at the “belly line”, especially if you have more than one (belly that is).  If people ask you when your baby is due, that should be a great indication that you should cover up.

I’m not the slimmest woman in the world, but I believe that I have enough fashion savvy to know when something is just not working.  If I have to think about it, then I probably shouldn’t wear it. 

Leggings should complement the body and your outfit, not foil it.

But of course there are those people who “ooze” much confidence and believe they look good in and can wear anything.  Now, don’t get me wrong, I strongly believe that we should love ourselves and except whatever color, shape and form God has given us, but at no time should it ever matter how big or small a person is, but to always be happy with who you are as long as it generates  healthy living for you. 

I’m an “experienced” shopper (that’s a more creative way of saying, “it’s out of control”) and I’ve come across a variety of styles of leggings.  Stripped, multicolored, polka dot, metallic Gold, metallic Silver, primary colors, secondary colors, you name it; you can probably find it in a legging. 

There are rules to wearing leggings. Here are a few that I have come up with through tria-n-error:

•  Leggings should never, ever take the place of pants

•  Leggings should be treated like stockings that have a ruin, get rid of them.

•  Leggings should be worn in good taste.  (i.e. wear a top/dress that is long enough to cover from the mid-thigh to the knee).

•  Know the difference in texture.  Leggings are usually opaque in texture (thick fabric) footless tights are more shear.  Know the difference

•  Leggings can be worn with both flats and heels.  May I suggest that you try different styles, colors and lengths of leggings to see which works best for the entire outfit. 

Have fun with the “leggings craze”, don’t be a slave to what the so called fashion experts says you should and should not wear, but might I suggest that the least you can do is listen.  

Music Review: BLACKsummers' night

 

The Prince of soul has done it again! Back after a long hiatus from music Maxwell brings us BLACKsummers' night. I must say that this CD is like a breath of fresh air. with tracks like Bad Habit, Cold and the first single Pretty Wings, Maxwell is showcasing his soulful, sultry voice once again. 

I must say, I am not even missing his locs, doned in the early part of the new millennium. Maxwell the sex symbol is still running the show and I think this time off was much needed. Make sure that when you step out to get the album that you get the two disc CD. You will not regret the money you spend on this one. Not only is this CD for the ladies but the fellas can mellow out to it as well. This is some of the music that my folks called "Baby Making Music". 

So what are the soulae favs? Cold is top on the list, with Bad Habit in close second and Love You coming in third. But hey, we are not the experts, share with us your favs on the new Maxwell album, we would love to hear them. If you have not heard the album, subscribe to soulae.net for a chance to win. 

Speed up or Slow down with these great Va-ca ideas!

When people think travel, get-a-way or vacation most tend to think about the trendy locations like Vegas, South Beach, Cancun and L.A. Here are a few ideas that may speed you up or slow you down without putting a major dent in your pocket book or wallet and will also offer rest, relaxation, fun and excitement.

 

Cozy up by the lake

A trip to a local national park can be surprisingly exciting. Recently, I took my family on a trip to the “Great Smoky Mountains”. We rented a lakeside cabin and spent a wonderful four-day weekend enjoying the sights and sounds of nature. For under $1000 we had a completely furnished home with Wi-Fi, satellite television and all the possible amenities one could want. We traded the pool for a lake right outside our patio door, and the gym was replaced with scenic mountain walks and paddle boats on the lake. The best thing about the lake (keep in mind this was a trip in July) was the weather. The days stayed a really warm 79, just hot enough to enjoy water sports and outdoor activities, and the nights were a cool 60-65. So you don’t have to worry about the weather sweating your hair out, wink.

 

How about a little breakfast in bed?

Instead of heading south, try taking a drive up north and staying in a comfy bed and breakfast. This is a great trip for couples because you get to actually experience each other while enjoying the changing of the leaves, browsing for furniture in antique shops or lounging with an afternoon picnic. With most bed and breakfasts you now get all the comforts of home while away, no more sharing a bathroom at the end of the hall. Imagine rolling out of bed in the morning to the smell of fresh-brewed coffee, piping hot pancakes with all the fixings and you didn’t even have to lift a finger. For a weekend get-a-way you can slip away for under $500.

 

Aching for Fun in the sun – Hit the Island

Now I know that most would still like to hit the beaches for some fun in the sun and what better place to do that than St. George Island. St. George Island gives you the best of the beach without the worst of the beach. You can enjoy fun in the sun, all the water sports you can imagine and not have to deal with the throngs of people like those you would encounter down in South Beach. You can either rent a house right on the beach or stay at a small hotel and enjoy yourself.

 

Whatever you choose to do for your end of the summer vacation remember to consider your travel hair care items to keep you looking good away from home.